House of Wolves - A Power Couple's Playbook

Attracting The Right Partner: A Journey of Personal Growth

November 27, 2023 Randy & Mary Vasquez Episode 3
House of Wolves - A Power Couple's Playbook
Attracting The Right Partner: A Journey of Personal Growth
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

You're only a few steps away from attracting genuine love, but are you ready to put in the work? We promise, you'll redefine what it means to prepare for a relationship, as we explore the importance of self-improvement and setting a clear vision of the life and partner you desire. We dive deep into leaving no room for settling for less and stretching ourselves to be the best, attracting the right partner.

From a male perspective, we shed light on the readiness for commitment and the crucial role of emotional maturity. We share personal experiences and insights on confronting inner demons before dedicating ourselves to a partner, and we don’t shy away from the importance of physical health. We also explore the role of therapy and self-reflection, the need to address health issues beforehand, and how fitness can help maintain mental balance.

As a married couple, we open up about our journey to finding "the one". We stress the significance of continuous growth, authenticity, and not losing oneself in a relationship. This episode is loaded with advice on taking your time, doing the necessary self-work before commitment, and the importance of maintaining self-love. Join us as we navigate the complexities of love, commitment, and personal development in this enlightening episode.

Want to join in the conversation? Subscribe to The Broke Millionaire Youtube channel or follow Randy and Mary on Instagram. You can also check out their luxury & exotic vehicle rental service at howmotorsluxe.com, and elevate your side-hustle education at The Broke Millionaire Academy.

To watch our episodes please subscribe to The Broke Millionaire Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvci4bqKjDE&list=PLh_N9FtZhe5qF453HxF7SbrKqLg1D2PBT

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Join The Broke Millionaire Academy to begin/further your side-hustle education. Courses and Life Coaching all available at https://the-broke-millionaire-academy.teachable.com/

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Speaker 1:

Know what choice? I was raised by the wolves a Ate 24. Run to the night, playin' with your life. Boy, get the pack that's riskin' your life. Better play it right and you better play it right. I got loyalty and blood. I do anything for love and everything for us. Doin' everything like everything ain't been too much. You know my favorite sign to come Cheers, cheers. Alright, let's jump right in. I'm a little bit late, I'm a little bit tired, so let's knock this one out. I'm more tired. That's true, you're always fuckin' tired. It's crazy. This morning, right Like I was used to, we slept in a little bit right.

Speaker 2:

No, we slept in a lot.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we slept in a lot Than what we usually do, cause we went to bed really late and you woke up and you were tired as fuck, and I'm like it doesn't matter what time we wake up, we're still fuckin' always tired as fuck. Anyways, it was really bad. Yeah, it was pretty bad. It was pretty bad. Let's jump into this episode, cause it's a really good one. This is one that we've talked about for a while, so I'm pretty excited about it, and we'll try to keep it short and crisp and to the point on this one, right? So what's the title?

Speaker 2:

Pre-work before the one what does?

Speaker 1:

that mean.

Speaker 2:

Pre-work before the one is literally like your personal task Journey homework To get yourself ready For the one, aka the S18s.

Speaker 1:

The S18s, you mean the one, the person that you're gonna, that you wanna be with right, your partner.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and part of that is kind of like, and I wanna utilize at least the one as a kind of a metaphor. The one is a metaphor. Of who you wanna be when you grow up, what kind of life you wanna live, because the work really starts with you and sometimes we are influenced and motivated by external things, such as a person. You're crushing on somebody hard and all of a sudden you're dressing up better, looking good all of a sudden, but it's all the wrong reasons. You're looking for that attention. So I think that the title has been very strategic Because though, yes, it is for the one I really feel that, in my opinion, it all encompasses doing all that work To get you at your fittest In mind, body, soul, financials, etc. To live your best life and embark on a journey with the one. Yeah, no, I love that.

Speaker 1:

That's a great way to put it. I think we can probably close out this episode with just that. You summed it up really nice and I think you and I have talked about this topic for a while, because we get Again a couple of people that are in our circle, people that we know, people that are younger than us, that are sort of ready to get into relationships and they're kind of looking for that At their point in their lives and they have these conversations I love. I keep having relationships that I keep failing. How do I do that? How do I meet somebody that supports me Like you guys do? And how do I meet somebody that's fucking cool? And is that playing these kids games, especially for women, right? We hear that a lot from cousins and stuff like that, and I think one of the things that we always tell them is Like, well, you want this mystical creature that's the greatest fucking in the world.

Speaker 2:

The unicorn.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, are you ready for that? Like, what are you going to offer that person, and not just financially, but like are you going to come into the table with? Are you showing up and say, well, I'm here, you're amazing, so like you just have to be with me. Or are you showing up and saying, bro, like I know my shit together, I could match up with you. I'm ready to take the shit to another level. Let's get it Like, are you ready to do that? And the question that we have for you is Would you date you?

Speaker 2:

A hundred percent and I think that 90% of the time there's some coffee ones out there, but they all say they swore on, stumble upon the words Because it really takes it back. I don't think that people really look at themselves Before they really speak those visions. It's almost like oh fuck, I really wouldn't date me right now, like I'm living at my assistant's house, right.

Speaker 1:

And then they get defensive too. The crazy part is people get defensive on like, well, you know, now, bro, I would Like I don't want somebody who just wants me For like money, or because I want somebody who wants me For me, and I'm like, yeah, but you kind of suck. No offense. Like you know, fucking Tom Brady married Giselle and it wasn't just because he just showed up, it was because he was fucking Tom Brady, right, he had something to offer and bring to the table, right? So like that's the kind of conversation is hey, are you what do you bring to the table for that specific person that you want, right? That specific unicorn that you're looking for? Are you bringing enough to that table to match up with that person? It's kind of the goal. If you're not, if you don't feel like you are, then you shouldn't have excuses on why you're not right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. And it's almost like we're not asking for you to lower your expectations. We just want you to have that vision of who it is that you want in your life and how you want to live your life. And then we work your way backwards Okay, if this is my dream girl, she's here, or whoever this person is, if it doesn't exist, whatever and then start trickling back to you and map your way there. How, where does she live? Where do you want to live? Do you want to live in California? You know you want to be an engineer there. You want to start a startup? Like, how do you want to live your life? You want to be like a vegan? Whatever you want to be. What do you want to be when you grow up? And who was this person you want to be with? Yeah, exactly. So where you are now.

Speaker 1:

Exactly so then you start working your way towards that right, so that you're ready to match up with that person. So that's a good way to put it, and I think for us that's been especially important, because we have these conversations all the time on like the stuff that we did right To make sure that we got ready for that, and how the growth that we had prior to us being together which propelled us to kind of move so fast in our relationship, as we did right If people don't know, mary and I met. In four weeks we were living together and in four months we were pregnant and we bought a house, like in five months, like we moved fairly quickly, but it was because we were both ready for each other, like I mentioned before, and for me personally, some of the stuff was I got to a point in my life where I met great people but we weren't just we weren't able to close a deal, and I started doing assessing and having a little bit more awareness of like, okay, cool, maybe some of those people sucked a little bit and they have their own things that they need to get to and they didn't suck.

Speaker 2:

And they didn't suck. But you know what I mean.

Speaker 1:

Like maybe they were stuck that I could push the blame on a little bit. But ultimately it's my accountability, my responsibility, to sell myself. What did I do in those relationships right? Where were my failures that I could have done better? Because if I continued to do those failures without having that awareness, the next person I meet is going to have the same mistakes. So I had to go into myself. How do I make sure that 100% I'm going to tell you this all the time Like at the end of the day, if you and I break up or go our separate ways, I'm going to feel 100% comfortable that I gave it my all and that I was ready, Right. So I'm coming in with that mentality of like yo, I gave everything that I had and because I've worked on my demons, I've worked on my past faders and I understand who I am and who I want to be, Therefore I'm comfortable now understanding that I am ready for this relationship.

Speaker 2:

You were vulnerable to be open to that relationship and really be available.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

You know, every, every girl dreams of like that's in the dating age, of like I need to meet somebody, that's right. It's like the magic words in all girl conversations. I don't know he's cool, I like him. I don't know if he's there yet.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

You know like, you know like reviving, but I don't have to say I'm ready to commit.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

It's not like one guy wakes up one day and he's like I'm ready to commit. It's a growth that happens, it's a maturity, it's a journey that happens and when a man feels I'm ready to bring somebody on into my world.

Speaker 1:

Right, yeah, and for men it does take longer in some cases. Right, there's not a lot of like 20-year-olds that are like, yeah, I'm ready to get married. Right, women mature much faster, in that sense, right. But I think for men is, and for women to understand, like, even if the man is not ready to make the commitment, are they ready to have a life with somebody else? Because there's two different things. Right, I could not be ready to commit to marriage, because maybe there's things I don't believe in or whatever the case is, but I could be ready to say that at least I'm an adult, right, at least I have worked out some of my demons and I'm ready to at least be a partner to somebody. That's two different things there.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. There's emotional bandwidth, a maturity that you need to work on. Like you say, you need to work on your demons. People need to take accountability. When you're single, it's almost like you have a full love with yourself and if you're, you can answer yourself like hey, I wouldn't date me right now. Like Bo-Ki, I kind of suck. If you can have that real talk with yourself and you assess and you make an assessment and like, okay, these are my weaknesses, these are the things that I really want to enjoy because I think that they can bring me joy and bring me more stability in the future and I don't want to bring that kind of baggage when I walk into a relationship. It can be something as, like mental health. You need to go see your counselor, do the workbooks If you have any childhood traumas and most of them neglect syndromes. Like a lot of us are walking around with daddy issues like let that shit go. Go talk. Have those difficult conversations with the people that have hurt you. Leave that shit behind, apologize. If you're a heartbreaker and you're always playing games with people, are you ready to stop playing those games? Are you ready to stop calling those Xs that when you're bored, you're gonna go call them. Oh hi, who are you? And you're gonna get a free dinner out of them. Are you ready? You know what I mean. So it's about emotional and it's beyond emotional Talk about how important it is when, once you work on your brain, once you work on your wellness and you feel at ease and all your chakras are aligned, then it starts showing your skin is glowing and then you go into the physical aspect of working on your body.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I've always said it right, you look good, you play good. I had a high school coach in me, so we see that. But if you look good, you play good because you feel confident and you feel good about yourself. So it goes to the mental health right. When you're in a good mental state, right, you're working out those demons. One thing that worked for me I said I want therapy. I went to therapy and I worked it out, and somebody that was my therapist she was really good about pointing out how I was making those mistakes and then giving me the right guidance on how I can work those things out so that I can be ready for future not to have those things. The other aspect was the fitness part of it. Right, I jumped into the gym. I was like, listen, I want to be in a place where I feel really good about myself, I feel really confident, I want this beautiful girl that I've always imagined in my dreams, that I want to have, and I was like I need to make sure that I look the best that I possibly can for that right, I have to make sure that I have that discipline and show that as well, and I feel good about myself so I'm able to approach that person, right. So those are all the things as well. Like you mentioned is like the things that you must do as yourself, in yourself to be able to again prepare yourself for that and look for it. And I mentioned therapy. That's a huge piece right.

Speaker 2:

That's pre-work, that's stuff that I'm there to get myself there, Absolutely, and then, oh my God, here we go again with it absolutely. Let me stop that, please. And then on the physical aspect, it's not also. I mean, though, aesthetics is very important. It's literally like the first impression, what somebody needs to, what the physical aspect also has to do a lot with health, the wellness of your body. If you're someone that's diabetic, has hypertension, maybe there's certain things that run in your genetics. Those are all things that are also very important, Like if you are pre-diabetic, well, and you're about to embark on a journey you wanna meet the one. You wanna now have children of your own, because that's something that you wanna really bring onward. You know what I mean. Don't you wanna get that to you in Pharaoh before you start having babies?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but it's happening on the control as much as you can. How can I?

Speaker 2:

control. Yeah, you're not gonna be perfect.

Speaker 1:

We're not perfect, but Everybody comes with something right, Exactly.

Speaker 2:

But it's just having that awareness to work on yourself as a 360, and no areas should be left up for any blood. Once you take care of your wellness, to take care of those demons, feel good, you know, fall in love with yourself. You know the fitness aspect, the physical aspect, also comes with. I always admire that and I think it was through Randy that I think that I have grown so much admiration with your discipline and how dedicated you are to taking care of your mental through fitness, which a lot of people just think that Randy works out just because you know he likes being muscular.

Speaker 1:

what not, I don't get naked, that's for me, that's for me.

Speaker 2:

But Randy actually works out.

Speaker 1:

So우.

Speaker 2:

His number. One reason for working out is because it helps you stay balanced. It's your piece of it's kind of like, it's your thing. It's what you do to commerce. Some people have adjourns, some people chew gum, some people go for a run. This is what you do for yourself and this is something that you have been doing since before you met me. And if I came into the picture and took that away from you, or if you got sick, got forbid and you can't work out, I wouldn't even know what to do with you. And this is important that people understand that, because sometimes you know doing the work before the one. It may come in as a little noted, but once it becomes a lifestyle and you become dedicated to taking care of your mental health, your heart, your feelings, living good, living positively, taking care of your body, it all comes really full circle. And once we have taken care of ourselves, then those exterior, external factors come in, like finances, right.

Speaker 1:

Because you're creating those disciplines right. You're creating those habits that are good for you.

Speaker 2:

But it's important for you to also take care of your finances before you embark on that journey. Yeah, I want you to give them some examples of some of the things that you did before you met me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, let me hit that, the fitness part of real quick, just to close that and bow them to the funniest. Because when you said that, that's where I thought, because I was talking about therapy and how I did that. When part of my journey was, you know, I was younger, I was very aggressive. Where I was very angry, I would lose it very quickly, especially in my relationships with others. Like I just have the patience and short fuse, very bad temper, right, never aggression from like a physical point, but just I would just fucking blow up, right, I would get mad at everything. And that was that. I was a kid, that I got pissed off something. I would punch a wall, like it was just I don't know. I had like this pent up anger in me. And when I went to the therapy journey I started to like what can you find out there, to kind of help you calm down. And I turned to fitness. So when I'm in the gym I got my headset on and had that forever, since they had the cord and had headsets on, and I was just to myself, lasting my music and just fucking focused, right, and just working out, hitting the weights and not just just help my mental state Got the aggression out. It got me to calm down, got me to think, it got me to be very done. So, again, the pre-work that I did with the fitness journey was just not physical, it was also mental for me, so that I can be a better person for for who I'm not. And then the finance part of it right, it was a lot of like okay, who do I want to be when I grow up? How do I want to live my life? How much money do I want to have? You know those pieces. And I looked into all right, what do I need to do to set myself up for that? Right, I need to have my credit. Right, I need to start investing and bought a calendar. I bought an apartment. Right, I need to make sure that I educate myself on finance and what that looks like. I got a 401k. I got this. I started to learn different things of myself.

Speaker 2:

So I said diversify, diversify my knowledge.

Speaker 1:

So I said okay, because, like you said, in the past, we didn't grow up with those things, so I diversify my knowledge so that when I got into a relationship I said, hey, listen, I have a foundation, I need somebody. And that's the part I want to hit to. Is we're not saying, to do all this work before and you're going to come into relationship, perfect or not, because we do not have talked about how we have supported our own personal development through this journey.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, because it's a huge part about being together. We never stopped growing, we never stopped growing.

Speaker 1:

But at least when we got into our relationship we had some type of foundation and understanding of who we were, where we were fucked up right, because it's a big part like listen, I'm not fucking good here, I know that. I have that awareness. I haven't figured this shit out right, I'm coming to you knowing that right. So we came into the relationship at least with a foundation and then all the other pieces we've been helping each other try to build through those.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think that we were very honest work in the beginning. One of the things is kind of like I told Randy I was like whatever you do, don't ever fucking scare me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I believe you.

Speaker 2:

And Randy's not allowed to scare me and I said don't lie to me. And I gave him a series of things that I was already aware of and the things that I didn't want. But one of the things that I was very vocal about was the things that I didn't want in my life. All I really wanted was, for once in my lifetime, just be stable. All my life I had been rolling around from different places and different jobs and bad relationships and for once in my life I was like listen, if we're going to be together, you want this family with me. This is going to be forever and if that's what you want, that is exactly what I want and I will do whatever it takes to get that done. And I was extremely vocal about that and I don't know why I went off on the Tendermal that because something that you said ignited that. However, I really wanted to take it back to what you mentioned about educating yourself and diversifying your education about things that fundamentally, we had an idea, but we needed to learn more. And I want to bring it back to education because one of the areas that are also important, aside from the mental, physical, is also your knowledge and things. You can be an honor society and have a degree in XYZ, but what are you doing with that knowledge? What else do you know of life? Are you really going to leave? Let's say you've been in your dorm room for 12 years. Do you know how to face life? You need to have basic knowledge of things and if you do have a niche in whatever it is that makes you special, whatever your talents are, hardest them be a beast, right. Use that time that you're not dating anybody or you're getting ready to date someone. Use all that time that you have being solo to invest in yourself. Invest in reading books, learning about experts and really owning what makes you so unique, right, so that you can become that interesting person and learn about different things that can become so valuable to you in the future. Before we met, I was so busy, worried about the wrong things, that a lot of my knowledge has come now in my marriage, where I'm like, oh my God, what the hell was I doing for so long? And I think it's never too late to grow. But education is very important. Finish that degree, get those certifications, be more ambitious with your education, because it's only attractive and no one can take that away from you. You know what I mean. Like, if you get two more masters, like who can take that away from you? You're going to have six more relationships. No one can take those.

Speaker 1:

That's the only thing that those individuals accolades at that have accomplished myself. And that knowledge, and that knowledge, and then you and I have talked a lot about in the past that not only do we build as a couple, but we're also building as individuals. It's very important to write throughout your relationship, to always continue to be yourself and not lose who you are and the things that you love and things that you want to write. You can do both Often the same. Yeah, it's so important never to lose yourself, and I think that you and I again, through that, have said to ourselves okay, I came in with this knowledge, I want to continue growing. And not the right person that at least has an idea of where I want to go and has a good foundation as well. Okay, cool, we might have different ideas on how to get there, but that's actually attractive because I might learn something on that journey with that person right? So, again, coming into the relationship, doing that work at the beginning, I think it's the recommendation that I would give. It was sort of having a plan Like how do I fix myself, how do I prepare myself to make sure that I can get into this relationship and offer the best and be the best person that I could be and then continue to grow through that relationship as well?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think that it's in a nutshell. I feel like a better way of explaining it is like you need to be your best person, not just on an exterior level, but wholeheartedly and as a wholesome level, at a macro level, because it's beyond a pretty face, it's beyond what people see. Yes, first impressions are important, but the person that you are today is really what's going to make a lasting experience on that person. You're gonna either have a connection or you're not, and you need to be ready. You need to be ready. It's almost like an entrepreneurship mentality. Are you ready right now to make a move, as somebody called you, with a really good opportunity? And it all comes from those disciplines that we learned through the years of continuous self-development. And part of that journey about having authenticity and having a great sense of self which again, I think is the point that you're trying to stress is so valuable, because you bring the diversity to the relationship and when you have that desire to continue to learn and continue to just grow, it's influential on the other person as well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely so. Give them one recommendation, shabadius recommendation. I mean, we said a lot through this right, but what's your most valuable recommendation to get somebody else when they talk to you about this?

Speaker 2:

I'm thinking because I have a lot of things that I wanna say, but I have to choose one. So I wanna say be coachable, be coachable and fall in love with personal development. Even though this episode is about the one, it's really about yourself. The one is really a metaphor and I want people to fall in love with the idea of making personal development a lifestyle choice. Right Just like you go to the gym for your mental states, making personal development something that they do, not, something seasonal, to just get that person that you want to perhaps fall in love with. That is my, if you guys take anything away, that's what I really want for people to do is to be coachable to the feedback and also just fall in love with the personal development journey.

Speaker 1:

I like it. I like it and I would say to somebody to have a plan right. Have a plan on how they're going to get there and don't be afraid to take your time to it, right. So, I often feel like you know you can't help when you meet somebody, right? So if you're single right now and you're looking to embark on a journey of being significant of it to somebody else and build and so on and be married, all the great things you have to have a plan how you're going to do the pre-work. Right? What are the things that I need to do just to get better on myself, right? What are those things? And you know we can't help it where we meet somebody, when we meet somebody in the timing that just happens, right? So if I was to meet you earlier, before I was completed, maybe it wouldn't work. Maybe it wouldn't have worked. We don't know that right but what I'm saying is don't be afraid to wait and take your time into doing that work that you need and saying to yourself look, I just met somebody that's great, but I'm just not ready right now. Right, I still have to do a lot more growth before I get back.

Speaker 2:

That's huge, that's huge.

Speaker 1:

That's deep, because it's easier falling in love with somebody. It's easy to say, wow, she's beautiful, she's great, she's smart, she's everything I ever wanted. But you might be setting yourself up for failure because you're not ready for that yet, because you're not ready to be the person that she needs at the moment. And then what I've often seen is that people get into those relationships and it's kind of like, wow, I'm going, she doesn't care, because you know. No, the person's eventually going to get tired. I'll be like listen, I'm not here for that. I want another level, right? So don't be afraid to push back on some relationship, push back on some people. They'll come back around if they're not for you. Your timing is coming, but don't be afraid to take your time through that plan. Take that time through development. So when you truly feel like, listen, I've worked out all my demons as much as possible. I feel like I have a good foundation, feel like I'm in a good place, I feel like I've developed some good habits. Now I can get into this relationship with somebody because I'm ready to give them my all Right. So I think that that would be my recommendation, that's deep, is it?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm going to go back and re-sum this. I don't feel that. Now, well said, 100%. I wholeheartedly agree. It takes a lot of guts to do that, it takes a lot of integrity.

Speaker 1:

So because, if you don't, you're going to break a lot of hearts. Honestly, you're going to break your heart, your own heart, other people's heart. You're going to hurt a lot of people throughout it, which is terrible. So, again, it takes a lot of maturity to do something like that, so you're going to set your back. I personally and the reason why I give that is I left some relationships, I left some good people behind, because I ultimately got to a point where I realized I'm not ready for this right now and I think that that was important.

Speaker 2:

And even past that and that was been so difficult Very difficult because they were great people.

Speaker 1:

I just wasn't ready for that. And even you and I are mature enough to have these conversations. When I told you about my past relationships and told you the things that I've been through, and I always say like, hey, I had great people in the past, I just wasn't ready. Maybe there's one or two, there were fucking jerks, but at the same time I wasn't ready for that. And that's why, ultimately, again, I always go back every episode and go back to the accountability that you have to have on yourself. So that's where that's where that came from.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, without further ado. I think that summarizes our episode on the pre work before the one. I feel pretty good about this. I hope that you guys can share the feedback. Let us know if there's anything out of the year doing, if you're single, on how you're getting ready to embark on this future journey. And fall in love with the metaphor of the one which is really truly you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love it. That's even the better way to close it.

Speaker 2:

That's better. I'm battling where I am.

Pre-Work Before the One
Preparing for a Healthy Relationship
Personal Development in Relationships
Preparing for the One