House of Wolves - A Power Couple's Playbook

Decoding "I Love You": Authenticity, Timing, and Consequences

November 27, 2023 Randy & Mary Vasquez Episode 11
House of Wolves - A Power Couple's Playbook
Decoding "I Love You": Authenticity, Timing, and Consequences
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Ever wondered when it is the 'right' time to drop the 'L' bomb in a relationship? How early is too early, and how do you know it's love, not infatuation, or worse, obsession? Join us as we openly discuss our own experiences with saying those three little words and how it shaped our relationship. We explore the complexities of expressing authentic love, navigating the fine line between genuine affection and falling into obsession's traps. 

We also dive headfirst into the implications of uttering "I love you." We discuss how these powerful words, while beautiful, can potentially be misused as a tool for manipulation and the importance of understanding each other's love languages. We emphasize that clear communication and mutual understanding are at the heart of any strong relationship. So, buckle up and join us on this journey as we laugh, reflect, and provide insights on the most important aspects of love and relationships!

Want to join in the conversation? Subscribe to The Broke Millionaire Youtube channel or follow Randy and Mary on Instagram. You can also check out their luxury & exotic vehicle rental service at howmotorsluxe.com, and elevate your side-hustle education at The Broke Millionaire Academy.

To watch our episodes please subscribe to The Broke Millionaire Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvci4bqKjDE&list=PLh_N9FtZhe5qF453HxF7SbrKqLg1D2PBT

Follow Randy on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/thebrokemillionaire_/
Follow Mary on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/mary__mar/

Join The Broke Millionaire Academy to begin/further your side-hustle education. Courses and Life Coaching all available at https://the-broke-millionaire-academy.teachable.com/

Did you enjoy this episode of House of Wolves Podcast: A Power Couple's Playbook? Comment and let us know what you think on our Instagram and Youtube. And don’t forget to share your love for the House of Wolves podcast by leaving a rating or review on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1:

There's never a right time to say it. I was raised by the wolves ain't 24 Runs in the night, playing with your life.

Speaker 2:

Boy gets the pack. That's risked in your life. Better play it right and you better play it right. I got loyalty and blood.

Speaker 1:

I do anything for love and everything for us. Doing everything like everything ain't been so much For life again.

Speaker 2:

Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the how Podcasts Sparrow Couple Playbook today Send this shit on quick. I know I care, it's like a feta. Bueno, today's episode is gonna be about I love you, not, love you not.

Speaker 1:

No, it's gonna be about when is it too early to say I love you, and when is it real or not?

Speaker 2:

Okay, okay, hitch, tell us more.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So I think you and I always laugh about it. Okay, because obviously we've had our past right Everybody has but we also talked about the first time that you said I love you to me Because you said it first and we talked about this. Is true, you're a mad drunk, remember that.

Speaker 2:

Hey, I don't remember You're like I love you. It doesn't count because I don't remember I love you.

Speaker 1:

The next day I was like yeah, you all right.

Speaker 2:

You sure I wasn't like frickling cheers? Hey, no, I didn't. No, okay, that was another time, Okay.

Speaker 1:

But you were like I love you, like mumbling it and I just it was pretty funny. But the next day I told you and you were like I said that I'm like, you definitely said that and then you confirmed so stop, stop. You did, but no, I think that this is a good topic, right, because I think a lot of people go through that situation where they meet somebody right and they think that they love them Right off the bat and obviously sometimes it's Obsession, sometimes it's Lossed, sometimes it's, you know, different infatuation. Infatuation that's the word I was looking for. Sometimes it's just a different feeling Because you're looking for that Right. So I wanted to talk a little bit about Is it real, is it not, when you say I love you? When is it too soon To say I love you? When you get into a relationship? And then maybe, if we can transition that, to add just that I love you part, right, yeah, into how often you're like I love you. How often does it make sense to say, once you're in a relationship?

Speaker 2:

I'm thinking about holding my hand, that's an inside joke. We'll tell production to add that little clip. Yeah, the plot point. Okay. Okay, so I guess I can stop laughing. I look like a freaking fool. Like teasing so hard because, like the topic is so good and you put me on the spot and I think so many people can relate, because this is seriously like In every relationship, like everybody goes through this. Like when is it okay? Like are you saying it too soon? Is it the right time? I don't know if kids these days even say that, but speaking for our generation. It's a real thing and, yeah, I want to hear what you have to say about this, because I have my feelings about it.

Speaker 1:

So go ahead, tell me your feelings. No, you go first. I think there's never a right time to say it Right, like I think some people put in, like well, it's been a month, it's been two months, it's been three months, it's been four months. I don't think there's ever a right time, because you and I go back to our experience we moved fairly quickly, like really fast, and it was like what? Maybe three, four weeks in we cracked the code Super quick. And if I say that to anybody.

Speaker 2:

Don't try this at home.

Speaker 1:

And I say that to anybody they're like wait a minute, that's nuts, how could it have been? And it was just the right time for us. It was just the right time for us and we both felt the same way. It was quick, but we were spending a lot of time together, so on and so on. We were again, like we always say, looking for each other kind of thing and it happened right. So for us it was the right time, even though it was quote, unquote. What somebody technically would say is too fast. I think for me it's. You can't put a time frame on it. It's more about when you can qualify the feeling, when you can confirm the actual feeling of what love means to you. Yeah, so if you get to that stage with somebody where you're like, okay, I'm getting a different feeling here with this person, why is that happening? Okay, boom, boom, you kind of again check off the list in terms of oh, is that how I define love, is that what it should feel like?

Speaker 2:

I don't know.

Speaker 1:

Are you a question yourself? But if it's a feeling where you can confirm, versus being like, well, I'm not sure, or being like, oh, I can't live without this person, or my God, I feel great when they're around me, you can often get a confused with, like we said, infatuation, obsession, all those pieces right, that good feeling that you get at that moment, that adrenaline, and I think, if you can confirm, right, take the step back and look at it. Is this real, does this feel real? Then I think there is no time to it.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Simple.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but it's really hard to quantify that feeling because you could be lonely and not know you're lonely, and then you find a person that's willing to spend the time with you, that you feel attracted to and that can feel like you love that person. But it's crazy. So I want to put you on the spot and do you remember that defining moment where you were able to quantify your feelings for me, where you felt like no, I love that girl.

Speaker 1:

That's really pretty on the spot.

Speaker 2:

Well, I mean you're yeah, I think so.

Speaker 1:

I think I can't remember the exact moment in time, but I can definitely remember me saying to myself like in other times I felt like, yeah, I really am attracted to this person or I get a good feeling about this person. But with you it was a little bit extra to that. It was a little bit of hey, I'm willing to put up with this shit too. So there must be something there. Before I wouldn't put up with shit. I wouldn't put up with throwing cheerios at me or blowing fucking hook or smoke at me. I wouldn't put up with those things with anybody else, but I did with you, and it wasn't a feeling of like why I just like her. It wasn't a feeling of like she's great. It was a feeling of like I am willing to try to really make this work, and that's different than I ever had before. So I think that that's when I was able to qualify it of saying yes, this could be what I feel and what I mean when I say I love you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you're falling in love with me. Aw, aw, it's so cute Memory lane.

Speaker 1:

You love that. You love, just like trying.

Speaker 2:

I love to put in situations where I have to say I love you.

Speaker 1:

That's why I said I want to transition to like. How many times you have to say that shit, I'm sorry guys, I like blew at.

Speaker 2:

Randy, but it was a sudden side joke, but at 20 seconds we were on a date and we were like smoking hookah and I would just take really deep in heels and like blow the smoke right at Randy's face. You're a fucking asshole and yeah. I was like I was trying to lose a guy in 10 days.

Speaker 1:

Why did you do that?

Speaker 2:

I wanted you to fail. I was just wondering if we like obnoxious.

Speaker 1:

You're a fucking person.

Speaker 2:

You're a fucking person so that first date you took me on, remember I put on like the craziest songs, like some songs that nobody even knows, like some Russian tag, no shit, I was like rocking out and I was like yo, this guy is going to fucking hate me, but let's see how bad he wants to be with me.

Speaker 1:

Wow, wow, just playing games. Don't try this shit at home.

Speaker 2:

Don't try this at home, kids, anyway, okay. Well, thank you for that and yeah, it's so romantic to hear you speak about it. For me it's a really good topic. We can talk about this all day because it really depends on, like, the connection that you have with somebody, like literally. I would say it's weird if you say I love you like the same day you meet. But there are people that are like addicted to love, or so they probably think, and they meet that person. They're like eating face all day, in and out, and then they love each other overnight, just because they have so many things in common and they want to cuddle and shit and all this of the crap, and they think like that is love. I'm not judging anyone. Randy and I are different and we're not giving any relationship advice. We are just giving our opinion, based on our, our feelings, our opinions on when is it okay to say I love you and, like Randy said, there's really like no timeframe when you can say I love you. It's really an organic feeling that comes to you. If it feels right, just fucking say it. You know, like even if the other person is not on the same page, like maybe you're not reading the room right, but I think I think it takes like a lot of courage to be the first to say hey, this is how I feel and I'm going to summarize. I have three words I love you. Another person may embrace it, feel a compelled to say back, to agree and like, grab your face and kiss you or three, just be like, oh shit. Like I, I, what are we doing here? Like you know, like I thought we were just having fun.

Speaker 1:

Um. Do you, do you feel like the using those words really has an impact on the relationship and what I mean by that? Like is it an impact on oh my God, this person really cares about me. Or it's real, quote, unquote real because culturally, those words and those um affectionate turns endearments is what people have told us. That qualifies it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, um, to be 100% honest, I think that the words I love you are often weaponized.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

And I know that that's a bomb. I'm doing sound effects. Please insert sound effects production. Um, yeah, so I think the words I love you are often weaponized because, um, a person with ambiguous feelings may be caught up in a, in a situation where they say I love you and they may not really have that awareness of, like shit, I really love this person, and they don't know that. Let's say, like the languages of love, let's say you're a person that uh needs words of affirmation, or your words person, like somebody tells me that they love me. I'm like yo, like that's a big fucking deal, like I'm planning my wedding tomorrow. Right Like we are in this for life. Meanwhile, somebody says I love you to you. You're just like okay, you know you're more like. Show me, you love me, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

That's what I mean.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so you know the words I love you can often be weaponized because, honestly, a lot of people are not capacitated, are not in the right headspace to say I love you and a lot of people use these words to manipulate in a relationship. Unfortunately, there's a lot of bad people out there and often you're caught up in a situation where you would try to trap somebody. Play games, run games. Nah, I set the words already. She, she or he is already like at my back and call, and here I am running around, you know, acting with full, and that's terrible.

Speaker 1:

Exactly Right. So that's why, that's why I asked a question, because you and I have struggled with that, even through our own relationship, and especially at the beginning, where you're like well, you don't tell me, I love you every other six seconds, so you must not love me Like you don't care about me, right? We use that that is not true you used to say that straight, like that, um, and I used to be like wait, hold up. That's not the case. I'm just not. That's not the way that I display love. I don't feel like I need to say that. I don't need that back from you on a daily, six second basis. But but you know, I I show it in my actions and the things that I do and the way that I show up. So for me, I've always felt and this could be just my bias on the fact that I don't need that, right, and, like you said, right, you love language and and all those things. So I think that I have some awareness that that could be my bias, or is it? But at the end of the day, sometimes I feel like, hey, do people just use those words because it's technically? Again, I, culturally, um, society accepts those terms as like a confirmation of something bigger.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Right Versus it actually being true.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I really think that people that are caught up in a situation ship may cross that line and say I love you, just to put the other person on the spot, just to have a different type of conversation they could have just had differently without saying I love you. So, like I said, it's I love you can be weaponized and can be used as a currency in terms of like here's my water cash, what's up. You know like, instead of you having conversations about like hey, listen, I think I need some clarity here on what we're doing. I really like spending time with you. Um, I like where this could potentially go. Do you feel the same way? Right, and literally we can have a very progressive conversation and add more structure to the relationship or even exclusivity, without jumping ship and saying I fucking I love you, Right, Because then if you hurt my feelings tomorrow and you already said I love you, but you didn't have these world clarity conversations, right About where we're at, it's like, but you love me, why would you do that?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like, wow, that does really sound like you, right.

Speaker 2:

And then, while in hindsight, when you're in a situation ship and you're just trying to like figure things out and I'm using the situation ship in the sense of the ambiguity of two people getting to know each other that they're not there yet like where things are, just like I don't know where we're at, but we're vibing, you know, like whatever so you can have like really good conversations that can add more structure to the time that you guys are spending together and not make it so official, which gives you room to make mistakes. Remember, you're getting to know somebody, right, and you're trying to like figure things out together. And if you hurt my feelings tomorrow, it's. I'm not saying that it's okay, but I think it gives you room to make a mistake and come to the table and be like hey, hey, sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Like I know that we're talking, we're getting to know each other. My bad, I will never do this again. I didn't know that that was not okay in this situation.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And it opens a dialogue to well, yeah, yeah, and it going forward. Don't do that shit.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and then you give that that space to some other, to those people who don't receive those words the same, or don't know how to react with those words, right? So again, getting back to to our own personal situation, um, it does. It just doesn't come natural to me, right? So, for that instance, understanding when I do say it, what does that mean? And being able to have that dialogue even at the beginning, right Cause, you can. I was talking to somebody that day and we were talking about being in a relationship and he was like oh, I just started a relationship with somebody.

Speaker 2:

Hopefully you're talking to him, Yo chill.

Speaker 1:

I just, you see, that's a shit, bro, you're gonna blow smoke in my face, yeah, and we were talking about, like you know, I just just met somebody about a lot cool. I'm like, oh, that's dope man, that's cool. He's like, yeah, you know, and I, what's important to me is like understanding you know what my future is going to look like with the person and she's a hard worker and all this stuff. But I actually like what's your, your relationship with money? And I was like, bro, that's a that's a fucking dope. He's like I don't know, it was too soon. I'm like, nah, bro, that's, that's the right fucking question. That's the right question to ask because it's important to you before you even waste somebody's time. So I think it's being able to have those conversations, even about the emotional side of love, and kind of saying, all right, you said I love you to me. Hey, what does that really mean to you? Like, let me know.

Speaker 2:

You lost your name, time with me, you lost your name time with me.

Speaker 1:

Like what does that look? Like, like why? Like, how do you define those pieces? And it's hard to define, right, Cause it's a feeling, but at the, at the end of the day, it's being able to have that conversation. Like, what does this mean to you? How does that translate? What do I do with that information? Like, what are you trying to relay? And I know that sounds fucking crazy, but I think you have to be able to have that conversation so that there's clarity in terms of like, okay, cool, you're just your love language and how you share it. Hey, let me tell you about mine. I never had an emotional attachment to love. I grew up with parents and never said I love you. You gave me a hug, like even going into to that and it's real to me. So, hey, don't expect that back from me. Yeah, don't expect me to say it to you, don't expect me to. It's gotta come. I gotta learn it. I gotta be able to express myself in a different way, because I just don't know what that means to me. Yeah, right. So I think even having that conversation, when we start using those words, whoever says it first, doesn't matter. I think that that's more important than the actual words that you're saying.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, 100%. I completely agree, and this is me really hard, trying really hard to say it Absolutely. So I second that because I feel, if I'm understanding correctly, we Saying that I love you. It's probably like the cherry on top, but what's really more important is having these conversations that really lead up to it. I feel like people just summarize so much in those three words that can often leave a lot of room for misunderstanding and a lot of ambiguity. Like we could be talking for three months and if you say I love you, okay, now what? Like am I your girlfriend now? Like are we going to have this conversation? Am I going to Thanksgiving with you next week? Like we're official. Like why are you posting me on Instagram? And like we have not even like you know like. oh, grandma official, you know like you're, there's a lot of mixed signals and I feel that saying I love you is a cop out. I said it. Wow and people can weaponize it. It's used as a currency, it's a manipulation tool, and I think that it is real once you have established certain conversations and certain actions have been made, where you feel validated in the relationship that you're forming. Right, and I think that the part where one of you says I love you, it's really kind of like an affirmation of the small history that you guys have had already, but it's like hey, we've had these conversations, I understand you, I can fuck with you Like I get you, I like spending time with you. You make me feel a different way and we have established exactly how we feel about each other in other ways. That is not summarized in three words to affirm that I love you Like it, like it.

Speaker 1:

So I'm guessing that now we're good. Dr Mary how if I don't say I love you every day.

Speaker 2:

Conyafani like.

Speaker 1:

But I get a pass.

Speaker 2:

You've been getting a pass, bro. Like Randy, it is not a romantic type, but he does.

Speaker 1:

Things are super romantic and you don't really like.

Speaker 2:

Right, yeah, you're super sweet. You're super sweet, no.

Speaker 1:

I'm not no, the topic. We can go on it for days, we can expand it, we can go in different areas as well and talk through it. But I think it's just important for people to take it a little bit easier with how strong they use that word, and what I mean by that is like calm the fuck down If somebody doesn't say it to you as quickly as you thought that they should say it to you. Calm the fuck down If somebody doesn't say it consistently in the way that they say it, with the right meaning behind it, in the right tone. Like we have to be careful and give space to the people to understand that, hey, maybe they don't know how to, maybe they doesn't resonate the same with them, maybe it's not, doesn't mean anything to them. Not that I don't mean anything to them, but the words don't mean anything to them, and have the conversation, because I think that having that clarity, love can come in many different forms and in many different ways, and it's not just again about timeframe and about when and how. And did you bring me to my dance giving dinner, and that means you don't love me anymore? No, not about all those things. It's about what you establish it to be, and you can only establish that by having the conversation on what it means to one another and then find you on common ground.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I don't think anybody will get upset at having small conversations that lead up to a bigger one. I think that everybody can appreciate just having clarity overall in what you're doing. If you find yourself often like guessing and dancing around the words that you need to say, then maybe you know you're feeling some lack of self confidence. Or maybe you need to come up and like, hey, I'm feeling a little insecure in what we're doing. Here's a set of things that I want to clarify and like run, you know, go over with you and just establish that so that you can have the courage to have these bigger conversations. And before I wrap it up, I actually want to say that, regarding like telling up those experiences that lead up to that, I think it really goes through having a lot of experiences with that person. Like I remember that early on we had 1000 dates in one month and we went away. We split a check, you paid a whole bunch of things, I paid things, we had an argument, I left the house, stormed out, you didn't chase me and I'm here like, oh, he's not chasing me. We had all these like experiences.

Speaker 1:

Bye.

Speaker 2:

Bye and I was like, oh, I'm never coming back. Hey, what are you?

Speaker 1:

doing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I'm on my way.

Speaker 2:

But all those experiences, you have to be completely like, candid and be 100% yourself, right? Because, like the whole thing, I'm never coming back. Hey, what are you doing? Like, if I would have really played that card of like hey, I'm never coming back here, and I would have like held on to that, even though I wanted to be there with you that night, I would have missed out on the line, we wouldn't be here, probably, right? So, in short, be yourself. Have smaller conversations that lead up to a big one. Love someone through experiences, because you may not always want, you may not love everything about that person, and that is the gem, right?

Speaker 1:

Brum, brum, brum, brum, marry out Cheers, cheers to our spark anymore.

Speaker 2:

Okay, love you.

When Is Too Early to Love?
Impact of Saying "I Love You"
Communication and Understanding in Relationships